I am well aware that being pregnant means that I have a tendency to be over-sensitive. But really, when I am in the supermarket, and people I don't even know comment and have a discussion amongst themselves regarding the size of my stomach, a line has to be drawn.
And then there are the wonderful comments I get every single day, both from people I know and DON'T know, such as: "Wow, you are so much bigger this week than last week!" or the best, "How did THAT happen?" I presume that giving them an answer of how "my pregnancy" happened is not what they are looking for.
I'm pregnant. Six months pregnant. And in the next three months, my stomach is going to grow even bigger. I don't control the rate of the growth, and I certainly don't enjoy people making eye-contact with my stomach rather than my eyes. I feel like a freak-show, and I have three more months of this. I KNOW I AM PREGNANT, I KNOW THAT MY STOMACH HAS GROWN CONSIDERABLY, AS PREGNANT BELLIES ARE WONT TO DO, AND I KNOW THAT EACH WEEK, THERE IS PROBABLY GOING TO BE A NOTICEABLE DIFFERENCE FROM THE WEEK BEFORE.
People act as if they are pointing out something to me that I wasn't aware of. I have a mirror, I know what I look like, and am coming to terms with the fact that I am getting bigger, which isn't so pleasant or comfortable for me, given the fact that it took me a year to lose almost 20 kilos before i got pregnant. I am ecstatic about being pregnant, but don't get or understand the mystification that seems to make up people's reaction to my expanding belly.
There, I feel much better now.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Facing the Inevitability of Maternity Clothing
I'm growing. Steadily. And with the passing of each day, it becomes obvious that my regular clothes are stubbornly refusing to accommodate my growing body. Shopping in Israel for maternity clothes is an impossible feat. The clothes are awkward, ill-fitting for anyone over the size of 0, oh, and require taking out a second mortgage. So I have turned to online shopping. We are going to the States in five weeks, so I am going to try to hold out until then, and have clothes ordered and delivered to my in-laws.
I love shopping, but REALLY do not enjoy shopping for maternity clothes. I feel like as hard as one can try, there is no escaping that when I am pregnant, I look fat. And all the pregnancy clothing in the world ain't gonna conceal that. That together with the fact that I don't like spending money on clothes that are only going to be worn for a couple of months. Feels like a crying waste of money and energy.
To stop myself gaining an excessive amount of weight, I have begun exercising at least three times a week - when the weather permits, I walk for 40 mins a day, or I do a DVD with weights and a step. I can't really control my enormous appetite, but feel at least I can try to counter the negative effects of my constant eating by burning some energy.
NOT easy being a woman.
I love shopping, but REALLY do not enjoy shopping for maternity clothes. I feel like as hard as one can try, there is no escaping that when I am pregnant, I look fat. And all the pregnancy clothing in the world ain't gonna conceal that. That together with the fact that I don't like spending money on clothes that are only going to be worn for a couple of months. Feels like a crying waste of money and energy.
To stop myself gaining an excessive amount of weight, I have begun exercising at least three times a week - when the weather permits, I walk for 40 mins a day, or I do a DVD with weights and a step. I can't really control my enormous appetite, but feel at least I can try to counter the negative effects of my constant eating by burning some energy.
NOT easy being a woman.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Double Take is the name of my blog connected to my professional website, flowingpens.com. But somehow my thoughts lately have been straying from the subject of books, life, Israel, and grammar, and have decidedly become focused on one subject alone: pregnancy. My pregnancy. My third pregnancy.
The impetus for creating this blog exclusively dedicated to the subject of my pregnancy was the uncomfortable realization that my Facebook status updates were crossing the TMI line. Not that I care if people think my status updates are too personal, but that I myself felt uncomfortable sharing my private feelings, upcoming big events, with 205 people, of whom the people who actually care enough to read about my upcoming ultrasounds, or whom I care to share with, probably don't even reach the 50 mark.
So here I am. If you are here, and intend on coming back, I am going to presume that you don't care if I give myself ayin harot by divulging too much information about my pregnancy, or are interested enough in the subject, to want to keep returning.
OK, introduction over. Tomorrow is a big day as we hope to find out the sex of the baby. Josh and I are convinced with every fiber of our being that it will be a girl, and a week ago, I may have been disappointed, but this week I have taken a fresh look at life with our two beautiful, rambunctious, girls, and all I can think of is how extremely blessed we are, and how we are so excited to be given this gift of yet more joy, beauty, and wonderment to fill our lives. So either way, we are two rather happy people right now. (Granted, Josh is regretting all his previous statements in which he proclaimed to the world that he would be happy to only EVER have girls, now that he is in a house with three women, and starting to feel somewhat overwhelmed by the hormones, and the fact that our five-year-old is going on fifteen - but he, too, feels how blessed we are with our girls.)
What I will be writing about here I can't imagine would interest anyone, unless they themselves are pregnant, so I know the readership will be limited. But I just need a place to voice my thoughts, fears, frustrations, hopes, dreams. You get what I mean. My biggest fear right now is undoing all my hard work in losing weight this last year. I lost close to 20 kilos. I tend to balloon when pregnant, so the next five months are going to be physically and emotionally challenging for me. Physically, cos if I am to stick to this goal of losing all my weight, I am going to have to deny every internal craving for junk food and work out every single day to stop myself reaching elephantesque proportions before I reach the sixth month. And emotionally difficult because I need to come to terms with the fact that I AM GOING TO GAIN WEIGHT - I ALREADY AM GAINING WEIGHT - AND GUESS WHAT, THAT IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU ARE pregnant. For a while, I was kinda in denial about the fact that at some point, I would start showing. So when a friend turned to me last week, and said, wow, you're starting to show, she may as well have told me that I had turned obese overnight. I gotta let that go. And embrace what is happening to me. I do want and love this unborn child so badly, and feel uncomfortable with the idea that on some level, my body may be sending messages that it is carrying an unwanted alien. She or he is VERY much wanted by both of us. I just gotta work on those demons, while staying as healthy as possible.
Zehu.
The impetus for creating this blog exclusively dedicated to the subject of my pregnancy was the uncomfortable realization that my Facebook status updates were crossing the TMI line. Not that I care if people think my status updates are too personal, but that I myself felt uncomfortable sharing my private feelings, upcoming big events, with 205 people, of whom the people who actually care enough to read about my upcoming ultrasounds, or whom I care to share with, probably don't even reach the 50 mark.
So here I am. If you are here, and intend on coming back, I am going to presume that you don't care if I give myself ayin harot by divulging too much information about my pregnancy, or are interested enough in the subject, to want to keep returning.
OK, introduction over. Tomorrow is a big day as we hope to find out the sex of the baby. Josh and I are convinced with every fiber of our being that it will be a girl, and a week ago, I may have been disappointed, but this week I have taken a fresh look at life with our two beautiful, rambunctious, girls, and all I can think of is how extremely blessed we are, and how we are so excited to be given this gift of yet more joy, beauty, and wonderment to fill our lives. So either way, we are two rather happy people right now. (Granted, Josh is regretting all his previous statements in which he proclaimed to the world that he would be happy to only EVER have girls, now that he is in a house with three women, and starting to feel somewhat overwhelmed by the hormones, and the fact that our five-year-old is going on fifteen - but he, too, feels how blessed we are with our girls.)
What I will be writing about here I can't imagine would interest anyone, unless they themselves are pregnant, so I know the readership will be limited. But I just need a place to voice my thoughts, fears, frustrations, hopes, dreams. You get what I mean. My biggest fear right now is undoing all my hard work in losing weight this last year. I lost close to 20 kilos. I tend to balloon when pregnant, so the next five months are going to be physically and emotionally challenging for me. Physically, cos if I am to stick to this goal of losing all my weight, I am going to have to deny every internal craving for junk food and work out every single day to stop myself reaching elephantesque proportions before I reach the sixth month. And emotionally difficult because I need to come to terms with the fact that I AM GOING TO GAIN WEIGHT - I ALREADY AM GAINING WEIGHT - AND GUESS WHAT, THAT IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU ARE pregnant. For a while, I was kinda in denial about the fact that at some point, I would start showing. So when a friend turned to me last week, and said, wow, you're starting to show, she may as well have told me that I had turned obese overnight. I gotta let that go. And embrace what is happening to me. I do want and love this unborn child so badly, and feel uncomfortable with the idea that on some level, my body may be sending messages that it is carrying an unwanted alien. She or he is VERY much wanted by both of us. I just gotta work on those demons, while staying as healthy as possible.
Zehu.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)